Blue Origin Launches Mars Probes: So What?

Blue Origin's Mars Shot: A Win for Science, or Just Bezos' Ego Trip?

Alright, so Blue Origin finally got their act together and launched a rocket that didn't explode on landing. Big deal. They're sending some dinky NASA probes to Mars. ESCAPADE, they're calling it. Sounds like a cheap beer you'd find at a gas station.

Mars on a Budget?

Let's be real, NASA's been trying to do "cheap" space missions for years. $107.4 million for two satellites? That’s pocket change compared to the billion-dollar behemoths they usually launch. But does anyone really think cutting corners is the way to explore the solar system? You get what you pay for, and I'm betting these "Blue and Gold" probes are gonna be sending back blurry pictures and half-baked data by 2028.

They were supposed to hitch a ride with the Psyche asteroid probe, but that fell through. Now they're riding New Glenn. Talk about a consolation prize.

And this "innovative flight plan" they're bragging about? It's just a fancy way of saying they missed the launch window and had to come up with some Rube Goldberg contraption to get there two years late. A million-mile detour past the moon? Seriously? It's like driving to Florida by way of Canada.

Robert Lillis, the principal investigator, calls it "exciting" and "flexible." Translation: "We screwed up, but we're trying to put a positive spin on it." He claims that this method will allow for more flexible trajectories in the future and that they won't have to wait for a planetary launch window to open. This is a load of crap.

Bezos' Booster is Back (Sort Of)

The New Glenn's first stage actually landed this time. Remember last January? Yeah, that didn't go so well. They're calling the booster "Never Tell Me The Odds." Cute. Real cute. Especially considering how close they came to another fiery failure. It's all hauled back to Port Canaveral for "inspections, refurbishment and re-launch." I'll believe it when I see it. Blue Origin launches twin Mars probes for NASA as New Glenn makes first landing – Spaceflight Now

But let's not forget who's bankrolling this whole operation. Jeff Bezos. The guy who spends more on a yacht than most countries spend on their entire space program. Is this really about science, or is it just another billionaire flexing his muscles in the ultimate pissing contest?

I mean, the guy probably wants to colonize Mars just so he can get away from all the bad press here. "Escape, Plasma Acceleration and Dynamics Explorers." ESCAPADE. Get it? Escape. He wants to escape!

And this whole thing about protecting Mars from Earth microbes? Gimme a break. We can barely keep our own planet clean. We're going to worry about contaminating Mars?

Denisse Aranda, a Blue Origin engineer, says, "We are protecting the planets and moon in our Solar System. Essentially, we don’t want to get our Earth microbes, DNA and germs, and deposit them on other planets. That would be really problematic for the search of life in the universe”

Offcourse, it's all about the optics; after all, it wouldn't look good if a giant space corporation was know for destroying undiscovered potential extraterrestrial life.

Still, maybe I'm being too cynical. Maybe this ESCAPADE mission will actually uncover something amazing about the Martian atmosphere. Maybe Blue and Gold will send back data that changes our understanding of the solar system. Maybe Bezos will use his billions to actually benefit humanity for once.

Nah. Who am I kidding?

Just a Rich Man's Toy

This whole Mars mission feels less like a giant leap for mankind and more like a small step for Bezos' ego.